the Undead poet

Dark is my color
Dark is my side
Dark is my ego
Dark is my pride

I glance down at the fire pit
I look up towards the sky
then I spread out my wings
in midst them I fly

bad done to good
and good done to bad
before I pay for my sins
I shall be dead

no honor no glory
no mercy no regret
peace takes its price
don't forgive nor forget

dark can be evil
yet dark can be wise
dark can be soulless
or salvation in disguise

plunged into darkness
pushed into light
against my own demons
worthless my fight

and when greets the darkness
on my finest day
marking my grand conquest
dark will be my last say..

- Swastika Chatterjee

La La La...

I'm covering my ears like a kid
When your words mean nothing, I go la la la
I'm turning up the volume when you speak
'Cause if my heart can't stop it,
I find a way to block it, I go
La la, la la la la la na na na na na
La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na !!!

Saw the video once on VH1 and heard it a few times...but wasn't able to track down the song...finally got hold of it today ! :D
The more I hear it the more it makes me happy...and I can relate to it so much, that I have a constant smile on my face when I am listening to it :)
Do you remember having cute little fights during childhood when once you are done talking you would plug your fingers into your ears and yell out gibberish to drown out what the other person is saying and not let them speak ? I guess I still do that even now ! Well not quite literally, but once I find no point arguing with a person any further and I feel I am on the edge of losing my cool, I go quiet and tune out. This avoids any potential hostility and helps me not get affected too much too.
Quite like flipping your humanity switch for a while..

Here are my top 5 fun ways I could use the message from this song :
5. People I try to avoid trying to get in touch with me...I go la la la la la la la
4. Dad asks me to quit my job and get a government job instead...I go la la la la la la la

3. Mom asks me when do I plan to get married...I go la la la la la la la

2. Boss asks to work on the weekend...I go la la la la la la la

1. Everything I planned goes for a toss and I need to start all over again...I go la la la la la la la

you can try it too...bring back some innocence to adulthood.. :)

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PS : Ty not to fall in love with the dog :p

Ladakh on my mind !!!

Ladakh - It has become like an elusive dream I have been chasing for far too long. Like literally years !!! In the past few years I must have made plans for Ladakh with scores of friends and somehow it just doesn't happen. I have lost track of the reasons this trip hasn't worked out with anyone yet, but I sure haven't given up on it !!
From friends who fake enthusiasm saying, "Yeaiee we'll go to Laddakh !!" to canning plans at the last minute and going to Goa cause its easier...from falling out with friends with whom I made the plans in the first place (*yes I am short tempered & yes I don't forgive & forget :p) to agreeing to backpack with a group of random strangers until better sense prevailed...its like each time I have reached the station but missed the train :S
But this year...I am going to make the trip !! (*Anything Can Happen - Ellie Goulding playing in the background). I am out on a limb. I have already applied for my leaves at work (*I really wanna do it around my birthday !!) and I have quite sometime to myself to plan my trip out in 5-6 different ways and I am going to do just that. I have waited way to long for company, time, money, information, etc etc.. When a girl needs her exotic location fix she gets her exotic location fix !! :P
Ladakh is not really my escape. Honestly my work is killing me right now and yet I am enjoying it to bits. I hate IT but somehow I have come to love the work I am doing. But its like a part of me has eloped to Ladakh and I have to go find that part of me there !! Something tells me...I am not too far :) So wish me luck :D

Chasing my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

the art of losing..

Once in a while you come across a few lines that have the power to summarize a fraction of your life. This poem did it for me: One art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster. 

Elizabeth Bishop

Before I talk about it, I must mention how I came across it. I had been up to a lot of things lately (one of the reasons I couldn’t resume my blog for a long time) and all this crazy speed of life was stressing me out. So I decided to take a breather and waste some time (not chasing cars !). I was on the lookout for a chick flick to watch when a dear friend suggested “In her shoes”. The movie is subject to opinion but the moment this poem arrived in the movie it took my breath away.

The poem could spell out a different meaning for every reader, with me it resonates word for word. There are a hundred different things I have lost from possessions to relationships, from direction to sanity, from patience to emotions but I have been able to keep my pace forward. My idea of dealing with loss is to dig a hole in the ground with my paws, bury my loss in it, cover it with mud, run over it, and then never look back again. “One art” opened a new door in my mind. Not that I have discovered a new approach to dealing with loss but rediscovered it as an art. My personal flavor of art that I have mastered quite easily. The art that has played a huge part in shaping my personality and from which I derive the strength to move forward with dignity despite the pain that tags along with a loss. After all, a loss is only possible after a gain. So instead of brooding over a loss I prefer chasing the rainbow for the next pot of gold. For me, it is much easier to switch off my feelings and make way for new accomplishments than to waste time crying over spilled milk.

The sad but beautiful ending of “One art” echoes with how we sometimes have to literally push ourselves out of our moment of despair (write it !) because no matter how strong we are we can’t escape our moments of weakness. But we still do, because we have mastered the art of not just losing but coming to terms with our loss and moving on. The connection I feel to this poem is beyond what words can explain, and yet here I am, writing about it !