the Undead poet

Dark is my color
Dark is my side
Dark is my ego
Dark is my pride

I glance down at the fire pit
I look up towards the sky
then I spread out my wings
in midst them I fly

bad done to good
and good done to bad
before I pay for my sins
I shall be dead

no honor no glory
no mercy no regret
peace takes its price
don't forgive nor forget

dark can be evil
yet dark can be wise
dark can be soulless
or salvation in disguise

plunged into darkness
pushed into light
against my own demons
worthless my fight

and when greets the darkness
on my finest day
marking my grand conquest
dark will be my last say..

- Swastika Chatterjee

La La La...

I'm covering my ears like a kid
When your words mean nothing, I go la la la
I'm turning up the volume when you speak
'Cause if my heart can't stop it,
I find a way to block it, I go
La la, la la la la la na na na na na
La la na na, la la la la la na na na na na !!!

Saw the video once on VH1 and heard it a few times...but wasn't able to track down the song...finally got hold of it today ! :D
The more I hear it the more it makes me happy...and I can relate to it so much, that I have a constant smile on my face when I am listening to it :)
Do you remember having cute little fights during childhood when once you are done talking you would plug your fingers into your ears and yell out gibberish to drown out what the other person is saying and not let them speak ? I guess I still do that even now ! Well not quite literally, but once I find no point arguing with a person any further and I feel I am on the edge of losing my cool, I go quiet and tune out. This avoids any potential hostility and helps me not get affected too much too.
Quite like flipping your humanity switch for a while..

Here are my top 5 fun ways I could use the message from this song :
5. People I try to avoid trying to get in touch with me...I go la la la la la la la
4. Dad asks me to quit my job and get a government job instead...I go la la la la la la la

3. Mom asks me when do I plan to get married...I go la la la la la la la

2. Boss asks to work on the weekend...I go la la la la la la la

1. Everything I planned goes for a toss and I need to start all over again...I go la la la la la la la

you can try it too...bring back some innocence to adulthood.. :)

Dunno what you are missing out on yet ? Check it out -->

PS : Ty not to fall in love with the dog :p

Ladakh on my mind !!!

Ladakh - It has become like an elusive dream I have been chasing for far too long. Like literally years !!! In the past few years I must have made plans for Ladakh with scores of friends and somehow it just doesn't happen. I have lost track of the reasons this trip hasn't worked out with anyone yet, but I sure haven't given up on it !!
From friends who fake enthusiasm saying, "Yeaiee we'll go to Laddakh !!" to canning plans at the last minute and going to Goa cause its easier...from falling out with friends with whom I made the plans in the first place (*yes I am short tempered & yes I don't forgive & forget :p) to agreeing to backpack with a group of random strangers until better sense prevailed...its like each time I have reached the station but missed the train :S
But this year...I am going to make the trip !! (*Anything Can Happen - Ellie Goulding playing in the background). I am out on a limb. I have already applied for my leaves at work (*I really wanna do it around my birthday !!) and I have quite sometime to myself to plan my trip out in 5-6 different ways and I am going to do just that. I have waited way to long for company, time, money, information, etc etc.. When a girl needs her exotic location fix she gets her exotic location fix !! :P
Ladakh is not really my escape. Honestly my work is killing me right now and yet I am enjoying it to bits. I hate IT but somehow I have come to love the work I am doing. But its like a part of me has eloped to Ladakh and I have to go find that part of me there !! Something tells me...I am not too far :) So wish me luck :D

Chasing my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

the art of losing..

Once in a while you come across a few lines that have the power to summarize a fraction of your life. This poem did it for me: One art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster. 

Elizabeth Bishop

Before I talk about it, I must mention how I came across it. I had been up to a lot of things lately (one of the reasons I couldn’t resume my blog for a long time) and all this crazy speed of life was stressing me out. So I decided to take a breather and waste some time (not chasing cars !). I was on the lookout for a chick flick to watch when a dear friend suggested “In her shoes”. The movie is subject to opinion but the moment this poem arrived in the movie it took my breath away.

The poem could spell out a different meaning for every reader, with me it resonates word for word. There are a hundred different things I have lost from possessions to relationships, from direction to sanity, from patience to emotions but I have been able to keep my pace forward. My idea of dealing with loss is to dig a hole in the ground with my paws, bury my loss in it, cover it with mud, run over it, and then never look back again. “One art” opened a new door in my mind. Not that I have discovered a new approach to dealing with loss but rediscovered it as an art. My personal flavor of art that I have mastered quite easily. The art that has played a huge part in shaping my personality and from which I derive the strength to move forward with dignity despite the pain that tags along with a loss. After all, a loss is only possible after a gain. So instead of brooding over a loss I prefer chasing the rainbow for the next pot of gold. For me, it is much easier to switch off my feelings and make way for new accomplishments than to waste time crying over spilled milk.

The sad but beautiful ending of “One art” echoes with how we sometimes have to literally push ourselves out of our moment of despair (write it !) because no matter how strong we are we can’t escape our moments of weakness. But we still do, because we have mastered the art of not just losing but coming to terms with our loss and moving on. The connection I feel to this poem is beyond what words can explain, and yet here I am, writing about it !

Excuse me please ! :)

So while it’s all fun and young to be rebellious and break rules and live life your own way, I follow rules. I like discipline. They give me a sense of security and comfort. I like what I have been taught in school eg. Walk on your left (seriously…you will avoid running into people), say thank you when someone does something nice for you, say excuse me when you sneeze in public or want to make way for yourself, etc. I like to keep things in their place, to prioritize and plan. How much does it take to keep a little bit of order in the way you go about living your life? Surely the definition of discipline may differ from person to person but sometimes people really tick me off with their behavior. Following are 2 incidents that have annoyed me at some point of time in the past and continue to do so when they repeat..

v  I was standing in line for a rickshaw. Since the line was on a busy road, a lady wanted to pass by cutting through the line. This wouldn’t have been an issue had she politely requested me to excuse her. Instead she went all Queen Victoria on me and ordered “EXCUSE”. I wanted to ask her “whom?” because she dint even say excuse me (it would have helped even with that angry tone). But since it was towards the end of the day and I dint have any energy for drama, I graciously stepped aside and let her pass. Agreed she must have had a rough day, but that is no free pass to get away with bad behavior.

v  Another incident which has happened quite a few times in the past and keeps happening every now and then is about holding doors. I appreciate when guys hold doors for me, even though I don’t expect them to (it’s a grey area between expecting chivalry and being an independent woman)  I hold doors for people too, when I am passing through and have people behind me who are about to do the same. The frustrating part comes when I hold the door open for me and the person standing on the other side of the door goes first. Do I look like the doorman to you? I have opened the door, let me pass first. I don’t care if you are a woman (because I am no less a woman than you) or a man (damn…where are your manners!?) (It would be different if you were an elder or a child, in which case I am not annoyed with you). It’s not like I opened the gates of Narnia for you and you have only 3 seconds to pass!

We were taught 5 golden words in school: Please, Thank you, Welcome, Sorry and Excuse Me. Simple words, easy to remember and do not cost you any money. Use them with a smile and watch how they make your day more beautiful.

This is an article I came across today 7 Modern Day Ways To Leave A Lasting Impression. It was a modest read and made sense. I already follow 4 of these and am planning to imbibe the remaining 3 too.

When my office help wishes me good morning, I wish her back with a smile and my morning does turn out good! J

This got me thinking today….

LinkedIn recommended this news to me today “There Are Only Four Jobs in the Whole World – Are You in the Right One?” – By Lou Adler. My first thoughts were.. what would be the categories? Perhaps Engineering, Medical, Law, Entertainment, etc. Is this article going to talk about the most interesting or maybe the well-paid jobs in the market today? Well this should be interesting! I was pleasantly surprised to learn something new and entirely different!

The four jobs that the article spoke about were:

·         Thinkers – people who give birth to new ideas

·         Builders – people who give shape to these ideas and convert them to reality

·         Improvers – people who make existing processes better

·         Producers – people who maintain the processes

Naturally, I tried to find my place in this theory. I believe I am at the grass root level of my organization. Being a techie, my primary role is to build what is required and to maintain what has already been built. So majorly, I belong to the producers club. Lately, I have also been interacting with my clients directly, to understand their ideas and figure out how to implement them. So I have been trickling into the Builders bunch too.

Moving further, I now have a new point of view to determine what I want to do in the future. So apart from deciding which industry or domain would interest me or what position do I want to rise to and how much money I want to mint, I am now also conscious of what nature of job do I want to indulge in.

As diverse as human nature gets, it wouldn’t be so that a person is only a thinker or a builder or an improver or a producer right? There is surely a little bit of all the four in all of us. But when it comes to your job, I believe thinking in this direction might just also help you figure out if you are doing what you love!

So who are you today and who do you want to become tomorrow? 

I got robbed last night !

 this is just so dumb ! They literally snatched the bag from my hand and zoomed away on their bike ! And I just cant come to terms with it -_-
Me and my sister went to see the late night show of Iron Man 3 and by the time the show got over, it was pretty close to midnight. But its Mumbai, late night doesn't bother you or maybe it should ? We caught a rick and were on our way home, when we suddenly saw another rick go topsy-turvy on the highway ! It was an accident ! Our rick guy parked at the side of the road and rushed to help while we watched. Luckily none was hurt. So our driver came back and we resumed our journey back home. While I was chatting with my sister suddenly 2 guys on a bike crept up from the right. The pillion rider snatched the bag from my hand, before I could even realize what the heck happened, they had sped up and whizzed past us ! When I realized the horror, I just exclaimed "Oh shit !" and I went blank , straight out panic attack ! I am not the one who screams for help, so I just froze and kept saying :Oh Shit !" "oh No !" (like that would help..duh ) The rest that followed is hazy ! My rickshaw driver tried to follow the bike, but of course the bike was faster and they went out of sight in no time. I dint even have the sense to take down the bike number ! Hell I couldn't even see their face properly ! :(
My sister immediately called up my dad, (my parents were out of town !) my dad called up a few other people and all the while I was just crying cause it seemed like I lost everything ! My friendly neighbors helped me get an FIR lodged and I spent most part of the night at the police station trying to get this sorted.
I know I am not getting any of my stolen stuff back, call me a pessimist but I am talking from experience. I also now have to spend more money on getting all my debit cards, credit cards, driving license, PAN card, Office Ids, etc reissued. I lost my beautiful Samsung Galaxy Note 800 which was less than 6 months old (Scribbles is what I had named it..even though I am not really into naming my stuff).
The policemen said they will find it. My friends say you are going to earn it all back, but it still doesn't soften the blow. Also what if it gets stolen again ? I buy something I like from my hard earned money only to get it taken away by some low life losers again ? I always thought I was a strong girl and now my confidence has taken such a beating because I couldn't do anything about it. How could it slip out of my hand so easily ? How alert can you really be ?
I have had extreme support from all my friends and family in dealing with this, but I guess I just need to finish mourning over this properly...I am gonna miss you Scribbles ! </3